not her

I thought of my ex-wife no.2 when I read this,

shrew that can drink 'nine glasses of wine' and not get drunk

turns out to be a small animal

(even more like her)

Brown on holiday.

Yes, I know it's Beaver instead of Brown....





as a normal man I prefer it that way.

BBC again.

I've just heard someone banging on about the decline in Puffin numbers. The reporter stated that an expert, or maybe experts, reckon that it was due to more storms caused by climate change. What the fuck is that about ? No mention of course of any research to back up this extraordinary claim of increased storms/climate change link.

If you search "puffin" on the BBC site the first two, (or the two first up to use BBC language) written articles are this and this , not a mention of climate change, in fact the only theories put forward by the scientists are these;

"One suggestion for the downturn is the survival rate over the winter months, when the puffins spend eight months at sea."

"Presumably fewer birds are surviving over winter than are needed to maintain current numbers."

"With such a dramatic fall in numbers of breeding puffins on the Islands we need to do some further work to find out why things are changing and whether this is a long-term trend"

Why bother with this extra work you poor deluded scientists ? the Beeb have already decided what has caused the decline and have stated, on their authority as experts and cheerleaders on all things globalwarmingwise, that it is due to climate change.

minding one's language.

This morning the silly tart on BBC live said "those ones".
Fucking hell, at one time the BBC were thought of as the guardians of our language.
The word is 'those', the ones there, or in my native Wiltshire.... 'they'.

Other classic fuckwittering....(not all from the BBC)

One pence pieces..... pennies !, even Yanks can say pennies for fuck's sake and they haven't used them for generations. To give people a clue The Mint actually prints the name of the coin on the back.

Train station... in England it is just called a station, there that's easy. If there is confusion with a bus station then say Railway Station unless we have all been instructed to talk Yank and I haven't got my letter.

Left Field ??? what the fuck is that about, probably too dreary for me to even bother to find out.

Curve ball,.. yeah whatever

Regular. Regular refers to bowel movements or the frequency of trains, days or seasons.... the clue is in timing. A fucking packet or drink cannot be said to be regular, unless you are plagued with the fucking things at predictable intervals.

Celebrate. To get pissed with mates on hearing good news or to commemorate an event in the past, not as in 'celebrate multiculturalism' by the realisation that you can buy a fucking mango in Tescos.

Welcome. To greet someone you are pleased to see, the word is not to be used as a bland say- fuckall sop as in 'he welcomed new proposals ..' a word used by reporters who have not the inclination or ability to find out what someone actually thinks.

Continued

Top of the programme 'start' or beginning

Step up to the plate,.. what fucking plate, are you walking around on the table ?

Next up, up where you fuckwit ?.. next will do just fine.

Intern ? someone interned or confined ? do they mean assistant or dogsbody ?

My bad. used by pretentious cunts only, the word is mistake, OK ?, my mistake or even my bad mistake

I'm good No you cunt, The answer to 'how are you', is 'Well Thank you', or 'I'm fine'. I'm good is the answer to a question as to your proficiency or ability, not your health and well-being.

Apart from the mangling of my language what pisses me off is the 'he will say' news. If someone is going to make a speech or issue a report, why not just shut the fuck up until you hear the speech or read the report ? We can wait, really we can.

More 26 July

gotten Yankspeak for got, was in use in this country a long time ago and now being re-introduced by those who know no better.

met with why not met, or had a meeting with ?

war veterans now applied to ex-servicemen or old soldiers. War vets or just vets are Yanks, war veterans are the fuckers who burn white farmers and farms in Zimbobwe.

fire fight another fucking dumbing down, engaged the enemy or were in action.

back to back BBC kiddy-speak for consecutive

......................Hissy fit at Virginia Lodge*

Mrs Dale's house, Virginia Lodge*.

If you want to see the caring side of the modern Conservative's then pop over to Mrs Dales place.

A politician has stated that she thinks gays are disgusting fuckers ( I paraphrase) and the queersphere has gone ballistic. It seems she should be sacked from any employment, thrown into prison for hate thought crime or whatever. So much for free speech, what a cunt. He has now put up a cartoon which seeks to give the impression that the good lady would like to see poofs hanged.
I am sure that she does not.... and I am sure that Mrs Dale does not think she would suggest or even think of such a measure. It is a cheap and nasty slur.... fucking hell.... Britain's No 1 political blogger for fuck's sake... throwing a hissy fit because someone ( other than millions of ordinary people ) thinks that homosexual acts are vile and disgusting.... and has the fucking temerity to say so.

Mrs Dale, you have shown yourself to be not a political commentator of note but a tawdry little poof propogandist.... what a cunt !

Another one who can dish it out but not take it.



sound clip, the original Mrs Dale

Wierd Baaastard.

pic of apron stolen from here

from here, surprisingly in the England section rather than the welsh, we hear that some sheep shagging has been going on.....

"A man arrested for allegedly having sex with sheep has been banned from visiting farmland. The 27-year-old was arrested on suspicion of bestiality by officers at his home in Dulwich, south-east London, on Thursday morning. It followed several complaints about a man molesting sheep in Botany Bay Lane, Chislehurst, in May and June."


It is interesting to note that Botany Bay was the destination for practitioners of sheepshagging back in the days of proper sentencing; many years ago I read some pages of the Assize Records for Scunthorpe ( don't ask, I've done some odd things in my life, even visit Scunthorpe ), it seems that " unnatural practices with a beast*" got you a one-way ticket and was a surprisingly common offence. * readers of other blogs might think this a reference to Beast who haunts Muttley's blog or another Beast who is an underpeasant in Tuscany, it is not.... in Lincolnshire and Yorkshire 'beasts' are cattle...

I see that the offence carries a maximum sentence of two years these days, you used to get that for the equaly perverted act of taking another man up the botty..... but now that does not count as a crime; in fact it is a way of playing 'top trumps' when applying for 'a position'.

Crash.

If you are in North Dorset at lunch time and fancy a good value meal with a view then you should visit Compton Abbas Airfield a few miles south of Shaftesbury. Have a simple but well presented lunch overlooking the downland stretching north from Dorset into Wiltshire. On days when the weather is good for flying there is usually some airfield activity to watch and if you are lucky, as we were today, there was an aerobatic competition taking place. The picture above is the odd looking Yak-55M having just landed after its display, an impressive display it was too. Nothing quite like it for keeping the grandchildren of rugrat age amused for an hour or two in the sunshine after a good lunch.

Bumble, aged two, on hearing a plane's engine pop and clatter on throttling back shouted 'Crash' with considerable glee, clapping her hands in anticipation of delights ahead.... she was a tad disappointed when it stopped spinning and returned safely to park up nearby.

Kids of today Eh?

Maybe next time.

If any spotters are reading this, please let me know what the aircraft in the distance on the right might be, registration HA-VAG, I can't recognise it.

Matt.

Matt in The Telegraph.

A very good cartoonist, he usually says more in his little one frame cartoon than the rest of the paper

Bob's views on Freedom

If you have a few minutes to spare, have a read of that scruff Bob Geldof''s speech to support David Davis. Excellent stuff, there is a lot more to that chap than most people give him credit for. I met him a few times at parties.... and he is the sort of chap you like to talk to at a party, you certainly remember meeting him.

Going back.

Bollocks, I'm off.

I've just been reading part of an old newspaper (Daily Mail since you ask, February 15th 1932) I think I will feel more at home there, an altogether nicer place

Brilliant cigarettes, I can take up smoking again, how I've missed my cigarettes these last few years. I am assured by the purveyors of Craven 'A' that my throat will come to no harm. I will risk having to look like Idle to smoke them, I note that they will cost 1/- for 20 which is 5p of our modern coinage. When I'm back there in 1932 I will find out why the cigarettes were named after a cowardly letter, I own to it not making much sense at the moment.

I see that football was popular with 39,000 spectators at the match for a total take of £2,805 which means that the average punter paid 7d or less than 4p of the new stuff. I doubt now that you could get into a match for a little over the cost of 10 cigarettes. I have no idea how much it costs to get in to a match, sufficient wild horses can never be found to get me there. I imagine the footie stars were a bit harder in those days and were paid a lot less than the fucking great girls that now ponce around the field in their ballet shoes.

Now this I approve of, someone making a cunt of himself in public and he's scruffed by a big hard fucker of a cop, I wonder if he had his rights explained to him correctly and if he will get any councilling after he has got a caution. I think he will be glad to get into the safety of a cell by himself so that he doesn't bump into any more walls and doors.

Looks like the crumpet might be alright back there, not to the Tuscan's liking perhaps, but proper shaped women, not a bit of that newfangled silicon in sight. I think I can manage to deal with the Heavy winter weight artificial silk Milanese Directoire Knickers, the navy colour option would be nice....to bring back memories of school days when they formed the mainstay of both girls uniform and birth control. I seem to remember that they were called -harvest festivals- in that "All is Safely Gathered In"; the elastic can , I remember, stop the flow of blood to your hand. I think I may be a little daunted by anyone requiring the expenditure of 3/4 though. I shall have to give some thought as to the tactics for dealing with the all wool winter weight combinations.



A cruise would be nice. I imagine that then, as now, paying for a cruise in the Med is the easiest and quickest way to get a young lady out of her undergarments. I think the twenty days to Malta, Egypt, Naples &c at 34 guineas will be tickety-boo. So everything looks fine. Low prices, good living, law and order sorted.... what a nice place to live it is in 1932, what could go wrong ?

Oh fuck me,I see the Mohamedans are furious about something, what a fucking surprise ! I gather they are being badly done by and have done a bit of peaceful ( they being of course a religion of peace) communal rioting and people are seeing to it that their reasonable demands are conceded.

So it's not a recent invention then.

UPDATE FOR TT,

I wonder if this girl was as cute when she was, in 1932, 3 years old ?
You would, wouldn't you .......


another update



some spacing


so that


that ugly fucking harridan Booth/Blair Witch


isn't in the same frame as Audrey



that's better.

Did our ancestors know ?

A Witch

The structure of DNA, now the fount of medical discovery

The badge of the Medical Corp.

I've often pondered if there is truth in the theory that knowledge has been passed down in folklore and legend.

Perhaps it is just coincidence that the structure of DNA is graphically represented by the two twisting snakes. Coincidence also is the strange use of snakes to represent healing, I usually think of snakes as the opposite of healing... like pain and perhaps death.

It is also very strange to my mind that folklore from many cultures, from many parts of the world warns that hair and nail-clippings will be used by witches to have power over you.

Did the Ancients know what was in store for us ?

A good job I always smash my boiled egg shells to stop the witches sailing in them....

ps I couldn't find a good pic of a witch so I've bodged one from Cheri's photo.... I hope you don't mind poor reader, I didn't mean to scare you. I think it's how a witch might look ,

on a good day,

with make up,

on her best side.

From today's Telegraph

De: Dégoûté de Guildford
A: L’Editeur, Le Telegraph

Monsieur,
J’étais dégoûté de reader dans plusieurs newspapiers et magazines que très few peuple peuvent parler le français comme quoi je peux. Et que nos enfants sont les plus lazy petits gits sur la planète.
Inévitablement, c’est toute la fault de notre Gouvernement, le Nouveau Labeur, Mr. Antoine B. Liar, Mr. Jean Presque-Ott, Mr. David Blanquette et tous les autres retards. Pas many jeune people aspirent à être les teachers nowajours, cos ils ne wantent pas être beaten up ou killed dans le playground pendant le break. La crème de notre yoof anglais ne speak pas even Anglais proprement, mais nous can changer tout that.

Je propose Mr. Ali G. pour Secrétaire d’Education. Quel rôle-modèle pour nos kids. Un monsieur refined, intelligent, sympathique, en touche avec les feelings de nos enfants, un monsieur pas frightened à asker les questions nous tous wantons à knower les answers à. Par example, “Avez vous ever tried feminism? Vous savez? Avec une girlfriend?” Ou, toutes les questions il askait Posh et Becks dans l’interview sur “Rouge Nez Jour”. C’est on par avec les interviewing skills du tard Sir Rougegorge Jour.
Imaginez Prime Ministre’s Question Temps:
Mr. G: “Will the droîte honorable membre tellez la maison OÙ Leo était conceived? À Balmoral? Le droîte honorable membre (sic) a fait le business avec la old boiler sous la Reine’s roof? C’est treasonable. Non, non, pas très reasonable, vous fool”.
Mr. Parleur: “Ordure, ordure.”
Imaginez also que Mr. G. et Mr. Presqu-Ott peuvent understand each autre, ‘cos ils parlent la Reine’s Anglais.
Mr. Presqu-Ott: “Je suis gutted.”
Mr. G: “Vous meanez guttered.”
Mr. Presqu-Ott: “Non, gutted. J’ai eu le liposuction.”
Mr. G: “Demandez l’argent back. Vous was robbed.”

So, vous voyez, nous must bring les languages à life pour stimuler nos kids. (Vous pouvez aller à jail pour stimulatant kids, vous savez? –Ed.) Every famille doît avoir une French au pair girl pour teacher le français aux kids (et Papa). Et après, quand vous parlez parfait français, vous can have des au pairs Hollandaise, Belge, Italienne, Español, Norwegienne, German et Swedish. Vous neederez à learner les mots très commonly usé en France: “Divorce Notaire”.

Nous must also teacher les kids le culture de nos neighbours européan, les arts, le history et le gastronomie. Nous must explain que c’est quite normal que les francais mangent quoi ils trouvent dans le jardin, des alouettes, pigeons, thrushes, escargots, grenouilles et slugs avec plenty de garlic beurre. Pas à mention les livers de Jemima Puddle Canard. Des stomachs de varieux animals. Des prairie huitres.
Ils sont presque as dégoûtant as the Ecossais avec leur haggis. Ne forgettez pas que les français et les ecossais sont old amis. Ils used to ganger up contre les anglais – “La Auld Alliance”- pour beater le m*rde hors de them. Ah, oui, vous neederez aussi une au pair écossaise.
So, là vous l’avez, pas si difficile si vous puttez votre mind à it.
À next semaine, quand je vous learnerai plus de cette langue magnifique.

Posted by David on July 1, 2008 6:18 PM


My kind of french, why do I think of the polish plumber's posts when I read this ?

nowajours ! what an excellent word.

Sir Rougegorge Jour. haha haha ! brilliant

Olympic high hurdles.

from here

People can give feedback on road proposals near Stonehenge and the location of new visitor facilities.

English Heritage Corporate Communications spokesperson Renee Fok said people needed to have a say because of global interest in the site. Ms Fok* said the consultation was crucial in preparing the site for the 2012 Olympic Games. No doubt a fall back on not getting the arena ready, this one's been there for millennia.

*Fun for dispensing chemists: label her pain killers ...."For Fok's ache"

101 uses for a dead Gordon

No. 101

Collecting boar semen for artificial insemination.

That bench looks old and worn out: a prime candidate for substitution with a dead Gordon..... but preferably a live Gordon

(my entry for TT's comp)